Ten Helpful HInts on Remembering Names

Ten Helpful Hints On Remembering Names
Dr. Dennis Ginoza October 9, 2009

How many of us, after we have met someone for the first time, after a few seconds, have forgotten the name? This is a common problem. Remembering can be fleeting. On the other hand, remembering can be just another formed habit, in a good way.

Dale Carnie says, in selling a product, first sell yourself. He also emphasizes, a person’s name is, to that person, the most important thing.

How many times have we corrected someone who mispronounced our name. For some it can be irritating, even offensive. Or, if you can’t remember a person’s name, to avoid embarrassment, often one may avoid contact with that person. I have seen this happen.

Name remembering is an art, it requires a conscious effort, and it is has to be worked on.

I learned early on, when I was a junior in high school, remembering names can become second nature. As a student body treasurer I was given the responsibility to provide change for the students eating at the school cafeteria. By the year’s end I about knew the name of all the students.

Let me share some tools that I learned, hints, that might be helpful. Before I continue, let me cite a case in point. One August, when I was performing my first wedding at that church, as I was performing the ritual, the mother of the bride was sitting next to her sister from Iowa. This sister said to the mother of the bride, “I know your pastor. I went to school with him.”

At the reception after the wedding, she stood at the door and said to me, “Do you remember me?” I said, “Yes.” I said, “Nelda Palmer.” Then I said, “Don’t you ever do that to me again.” Luckily I remembered her name after over 30 years. I had by that time developed certain tools for remembering. Let me share them here.

1. Make remembering a priority. A priority means, that’s the first thing you do. You don’t move on to the next task until the first is done. Priority means, intention, a high purpose, and a task performed. Or simply said, “Do it!”

2. Repeat the name. When you are introduced, say the name out loud. If it’s Joel Van Arken, say, “Joel Van Arken, good to meet you.” Or if the name is, Caroline Schmidt, check the spelling. It could be Carolyn, and Schmidt may sound like Smith. Repetition is the tool for learning.

3. Look for an association. Names can often be linked with something common or something easy to remember. One day I met a homeless man named Steve McQueen. How can one forget such a name? Steve McQueen is the actor. Homelessness is a situation. And this Steve had long hair. Here are some associations, John the photographer, Joseph the marine, Guilford the blind man, Elmer the joker, Gelene a true friend, Mildred an exceptional teacher.

4. Put the name in a context. A context is an experience or a particular situation. One Sunday, a visitor Jan came to our church. She sat in the left section of the sanctuary, in about six rows back. She was placed in a context. Her attentiveness also caught my eye. The ball field, the doctor’s office, walking a dog, at the street corner named Maple Street, or within a story—these are all examples of a particular context.

At a church on my first Sunday, people came to greet me after the worship service. A woman said, to me, “I won’t tell you my name; you won’t remember anyway.” I said, “Tell me anyway.” First she said, “No.” I insisted. She said, “Frances Anderson.” I haven’t forgotten her name since.

5. Remember the name for what it is. Some names stand alone. Or they are like a stone among many stones, blending with everything and easy to forget. How many Jacks and Jims do you know? Take the names Marllyn, Marilyn, Marlene, and Marilynne. You just have to spell them out, hold them up in their own space. How about Bonnye, Bonnie, Connie, CJ, JD, OK, Rapha, Gary (a girl), Yolande and Yvonne, Jurgen, Carrillo (nick name), Don Pepe, Johniken (a girl). Remember the name on its own merit and put it on your memory shelf or file.

6. Play with the name. In every game, you remember the rules after you have played
with them, used them, and experienced them. Learning takes three forms, visual,
audio, and kinesthetic. Names can be put into a light moment. “Let’s see, aren’t
you Luke or are you John. Oh, there’s John, ah that’s Luke.” What’s your name
again?” Especially at weddings, church gatherings, parties where there are many
names to remember, people understand you can’t easily remember their names.
Names sink in when they are felt, looked at, walked with, and played with.
Where were you when John F. Kennedy was assassinated?

7. Make a list and review it. The more you go back to a name, the longer it will
stick with you. Remember Nelda? She was in my Sociology class. I had been in
her home. She was in a college play and her picture was in our Yearbook. I often
would return to my early college days and my yearbooks. It’s like dropping a
sinker on a line deeper and deeper into the depths of the water. The water is a
metaphor for our memory bank. Get it? I have old address books of people I have
met, lists in my daily calendar, and, in the church, a running list of people who are
first time visitors. Notes in the margins are little reminders also. February 17,
1994, Marvin and Elaine were in our home for a visit. That was the day the
Northridge Quake shook San Fernando Valley. We felt it in San Diego. Notations
are made on the blank sheets of the mind. Like inkblots, they can remain with us
for a long long time.

8. Write it down. Carry a 3 X 5 card in your back pocket or your purse. Elton
Trueblood, a Quaker writer, philosopher, and theologian, once reminded us at a
gathering in Richmond, Indiana, “If you have an idea, write it down, or it will lost
forever.” This is a simple task, but who carries a 3 X 5 card in your back pocket.
Or if you had one, who would remember to take a second to write it down. Just
remember, our minds play tricks with us. We can tell ourselves, “Self, don’t
forget this.” Then it’s gone. The mind is fluid, like a flowing river. Drop a hat in
a river and it will not stay in the same place. Such is the mind. Write it down.

9. Make it a habit. Habits are like a string of threads that you roll in a ball. They are a continuous behavior that follow a sequence. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John: they are the first three books of the Bible, and John, the fourth book . Remembering becomes second nature. A habit is sequential like learning and reciting your a b c’s.

10. A name is not just a name. It is a person. It is a living being, an individual of
importance, unique, different, and God given. Dibbs was a little boy who was
intelligent, observant, but shy. He never participated in class. He always sat at the
edge of his class. He never spoke until he was four years old. The story of Dibbs
appeared in a book. Spenser, Colton, Chelsea, James, Andrew—they are all little
children that need to be loved. How can I forget them. Learn the name and know
the person.

Finally, just remember, the mind is an incredible memory bank. It has a capacity to remember, categorize, analyze, create, and explore the unexplored. I remember a speaker who told us, “One pastor in Texas could remember every name of the members in his church. They had a thousand members.” The prophet Isaiah emphasizes, “He shall know you by name.”

If I can give you one more clue, it is this. We remember in pictures. When we tell stories, when we are in conversation, when we describe an experience, when give details of an object, an event, a place, or a person, we are using words to describe a picture in our minds. If I were to ask you, please describe the kid of car you drive, you will do so from a picture in your mind. The mind is an incredible gift, just remember to use it.